But what about the Psychological Rape???

This is not merely a piece of write-up. Its the angst whole nation is expressing after the Delhi bus incident. My friend Mrunal Jadhav has given a way to this angst through words. Her views about the patriarchal fabric of society, abuse that women face and the psychology of women related crimes are worth consideration.




The unfortunate news of physical rape involving heinous actual penetration is making news but my question is what about daily psychological rape females are subjected to every now and then??? I feel, basically its not always about rape. It ranges from periodic episodes of eve teasing, dirty comments, domestic violence, physical and verbal abuse, doubts about capabilities, psychological trauma , emotional blackmailing in varied strata of our social hierarchy, right from slums, mediocre families to so called educated , highly profile families living in corridors of power. As it is aptly said;" Prevention is better than cure" so taking self defensive alert steps is utmost necessary for girls to protect themselves in any kind of unfortunate emergencies. It is really shouldn't be misinterpreted by girls as attempts of compromising their liberty. Many times what happens teenagers or college going young girls are still not able to judge people around them or to differentiate very basic difference between good touch and bad touch. These girl stay under false impression that whole world is as innocent as them .But in reality when it comes to any society, there is mixture of positive and negative attributes. we cant generalize any goodness or wickedness. Neither we can stay gender biased.Not all men are bad, personally I too have many of my male friends with whom I can interact very frankly. Still considering increasing monstrous and violent tendencies , prevention is always good for females from their side. This is one side but is this the only solution???? Certainly not.
     This problem lies much deeply embedded in our very patriarchal nature of society and tendency of objectification of female sex, aggravated by superficial mass media.Yes yes we talk of Government, law and order , amendments, woman commissions , equality and that well rubbed and favourite word- Empowerment!!! come on people, come back to the basics. All these laws will protect but they are much farther and much like post mortem solutions so lets first introspect ourselves at basic unit of society - our families. I will put down two very ordinary incidences. Last summer I was coming back to Pune from Mumbai by Shivneri, I came across one well dressed lady around 50' s right beside me. She was having fractured hand and some of scars on face, neck so I helped to accommodate her luggage at her place. Initially I thought injuries may be because of any accident so I kept mum. She asked me about my profession. I replied , " I am a Dentist and now a days preparing for civil services". she just smiled and asked why I have chosen choosing civil services. I answered all obvious reasons behind this most expected question. To my surprise she happened to be wife of very high ranked class 1 police officer . so my sudden question to her was," Mam, it must be so good and proud feeling for you being wife of officer contributing to society by battling with criminals??" She laughed more loudly this time and replied, " Yes indeed.very proud.( quoting her own words)- Jya belt ne baher hantat tyach belt ne mala pan roj hantat.senior bhadkala..don fatke..junior aikat nahi..don fatke..political pressure..de malach latha..yes he is nice officer talking of big things for other people..pan mazya sathi tar haivan ch aahe..vardi cha maj maj mhantat to mala vichara.." (The same belt he brandishes outside is used for beating me. For any stress on duty, he comes home and whips me. He might be a nice officer outside but for me, he is a demon!). I was shocked; absolutely speechless..:-(:-(. Till today I don't realise why she shared her family issue so easily with stranger like me.we both were females. was that a connecting link? or sometimes opening up ur emotions to strangers are safe and easy? That may be the reason. while stepping down she advised me, "Marry with a person who can respect you rather than marrying just high profile person".
     When I read renowned book ' Br' by Kavita Mahajan, there were incidences where Adivasi , pada ; illiterate women hit back to husband when they are beaten up. This kind of retaliation seems still not possible in our white collared society.In marathi ; I remember one quote- " Sansar sansar mhanje kaay asto, ekane udhlala tari dusaryane sawaraycha asto." (What is marriage all about? If one partner disturbs it, other one should restabilise it.) I felt this good initially but as I grew up I realized harsh reality that most of the times- " udhalalela...pasaralela...viskatlela sansar gharaylya stri nech savaraycha asto.":-(  (Only women are expeted to restabilise a marriage in turmoil.) Other common dialogue in many families- Daughter: Dad, I want to buy this this ..that that... Dad: as u like beta...whom else I am earning for? Daughter: Oh Daddy...I want this stream..and want to go abroad for specialisation. Dad: sure my girl. take education Wat u wish.we Will be always there to motivate you for your career.Have we ever discriminated between you and your brother? Daughter: Daddy...I want to marry this guy of my choice but he is not of our caste and has time to get well set...but he is trying hard... Dad: Actually beta we have always dreamt best for you. You don't have that much maturity to take such decision.we are there to take best care of that baby.so forget that at earliest. Daughter: but Dad...I think I will be very happy with him.money may be less or caste may be different but trust me we will make a good couple...Its fine na dad? After all its my life na.... Daddy: So you will be okay when all people will condemn your dad. Our family prestige will be in danger.will it be fine when me and your mom will be in pain just because of you? Tell me, for this is what we brought you up ???????????????????????"
     Personally I feel be it you mother or wife or daughter or sister or female coworker, don't always try to over protect them considering them symbol of dignity of your family or vulnerable species.Rather all they need is motivation, trust, respect and consideration and freedom in decision making. Let them cherish their own mettle and confidence. I am not gender biased person to totally blame males. on the other front, I strongly protest girls or women who unnecessarily projects their God gifted beauties to take undue advantage. There are many ex of putting forward of female coworker by many businessmen to get the deal or putting forward girls by their friends in queue to get early tickets or seat, just by using female charm.Mind It girls, until you yourself respect your feminism none else is going to respect that. Sternly oppose for such gender based favours, sympathy and displaying yourself as showpiece in showcase of your male counterparts.It is the mother more who inculcate family values in her next generation so try to become physically, emotionally, financially independent first. Above all women of substance are always more adorable than mere natural beauties!! Problem is horrible....Its deep and at various fronts...but definitely solution lies within us!! What is needed is thinking and changing for becoming good human being and treating other as human beings first....!!!




Readers can convey their views to the writer:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001046574732&fref=pb

Kuchh Ghazalein...

We friends had a wonderful habit on hostel. We would pick up certain line of a sher and expand it (Kaafiyas and Misras in Shaayari).
Here is a glimpse of it. The original line "Kuchh ghazalein to bas seene me ulazhi achchhi lagti hai" was taken from Twitter.

Kuchh ghazalein to bas seene me ulazhi achchhi lagti hai,
Alfaz to gumsum rahe ashko ki nami sacchi lagti hai...
Parindo jaisi nadan hai ghazalein, ye bhi udna chahe,
Par shayad aaj bhi unhe ye dillagi kuch kachchi lagti hai.....

Kuchh ghazalein to bas seene me ulazhi achchhi lagti hai,
Yun hi mere ghazalo si ulazhi hui teri nasamazhi achchhi lagti hai...

To Malala....

This poem is written by my friend Ashutosh Gupta addressed to Malala for her valour.

In the war there would be lonely you,

You might fall and be tired too....

But have the zeal,

And the fire,

Because that's what you need to fly higher,

People would mock,

People would comment.

Half may frown and the others foment.

And I know that words hurt,

And they do sting.

So, flex your muscles and spread your wings,

See thy goal, fly….

And take an up soar.

Look!!
There awaits the joy and the much more........

You can convey feedback to Ashutosh...

http://www.facebook.com/ashutosh.gupta.3975?ref=ts&fref=ts

Moments...

     That was one of the greatest days of my life. I was initially very reluctant for this Rishikesh trip. It took a lot of convincing -Wait! Should I call it emotional blackmail???- from friends for me to join them. Rafting and diving fearlessly in the pristine waters of the holy Ganges was fun indeed. But the trip meant more than that. It was about refreshing our memories, enjoying our camaraderie. And at the end of the day, I was all nostalgic and thinking whether these moments will come again in my life???
      Now I know I was wrong to expect exactly the same moments back in my life. For life isn’t about repeating the things already happened, no matter how wonderful they are. It is all about living a new moment, new life every day. There will be some golden moments in our lives. But we have to enjoy them whole-heartedly, without any expectations. We shouldn’t ruin them by hoping to repeat them. If this day is going to come back in my life again, will it remain special? Life isn’t about repeating special moments but it is about creating new moments and new stories.
     Imagine the moment full of divine fragrance just before it starts raining. Everything changes in a heartbeat.  Life is made up those precious fleeting gifts called moments.  We must become that moment, forgetting everything we have experienced before or will be experiencing later. But we pay too much attention to the grand themes and too little to those fleeting moments. And then after that moment goes flying, we hope to catch them back again. We often ruin wonderful moments by needlessly worrying about past or future. Have you ever seen a baby cry? It cries, cries, cries and minutes later it is in laughter again! Because the baby never thinks of the past or the future, it just enjoys the present moment. Maybe that’s a great lesson to learn from a baby to cherish the present moment innocently.
     And what can be called as an icing on the cake, after that trip to Rishikesh, I had one of the best journeys back home and went on to attend a fantastic wedding, that of my cousin. And both of these events had their own charm. They were not like the trip but that’s why they were great. Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things. You can’t just run back to past just because it is familiar.
     The beauty of the moment is that it is fleeting. And it is fleeting because it is being chased by another moment, another beautiful moment. It is this elusive and transient nature of moments that make them so adorable…

It's a moment that I'm after,
A fleeting moment,
But not a frozen moment.
-Andrew Wyeth.

Religion.

“With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil. But for good people to do evil- it takes religion…”
     Steven Weinberg, in his much celebrated work “The First Three Minutes” gives us a glimpse of his brilliance where he pinpoints the tragedy of modern day humanity. Though the origin of the concept of ‘Religion’ is not the best known, one can definitely say that religion originated to unite human beings. And where do we stand today? Religion is dividing humanity. We have comprehensively defeated the very purpose of religion, and humanity.
     Religion is a very complex concept, too intricate to define. Roughly, it can be called as the fear and fascination of The Divine. It was perhaps a social need of man to get under an umbrella of religion where he could accept the power of The Divine and surrender to it. Slowly and steadily rituals crept in. The whole concept of religion started losing its individualistic nature and became a matter of community. The trouble started here.
     History will tell us how man has betrayed himself in the name of religion. Different religions started fighting with each other. And when there was no one else to fight, the religions started fighting within themselves giving rise to sects and conflicts thereof. The Crusades, the Holocaust, various communal riots and so many such events tell us screaming what cruelty man has unleashed on his fellow brethren in the name of God.
     It is important to have a look at theocracy in this perspective. It was believed that The King is a part of God. He had religious significance. But then, religious institutions took over the reins of State. This further intensified the conflict between various religions. Sometimes the expansionist ambitions of such states were clubbed with religious beliefs which resulted in wars like The Crusades.
     I believe no religion permits violence. If it talks of violence, then it is not true religion, it is a misinterpreted, wrongly presented unholy version of religion. I am no atheist. I believe there is a power which has created the world and which runs it. People call it Bhagwan, Allah, God and even Higgs Boson! It is that Divine One which we all need to worship. And worship does not mean pompous rituals, it means creating one’s own relation with that Divine One. There is only one God and hence, when you insult somebody else’s God, you are insulting your own…

माझं ध्येय

This is a creation of another "Anonymous Friend" of mine. He talks about one's aim and destiny in life. I have attempted to translate it so that everybody can enjoy the article. I am aware that translation is no match to the original work.

एखादी व्यक्ति एखाद्या विशिष्ट कामासाठी देवाने जन्माला घातलेली असते.
व्यवहारातील अपरिहार्यता म्हणून किंवा अनेकदा आपल्याला उपजीवीकेसाठी किंवा इतर काही कारणाने आपण ज्या कामासाठी जन्मलेलो आहोत किंवा जे काम आपल्या हृदयात वसलेले आहे त्या कामाव्यतिरिक्त अन्य काही नोकरी किंवा व्यवसाय करावा लागतो. पण तरिही निसर्गाने ज्यासाठी आपल्याला बनवलेले आहे, त्या कामची साद आयुष्यभर आपला पिच्छा सोडत नाही. आपण त्या निसर्गाच्या  सादेला किती ही दुर्लक्षित केले तरिही कित्येकदा एखाद्या हळव्या क्षणी हृदयात खोल कुठेतरी ती उर्मी उसळत  राहते. खूप वेळा हृदयाच्या त्या हाकेला कित्येक दिवस, महीने, वर्ष आपण 'ओ' दिला नाही तर त्या हाकेचा आवाज क्षीण होत जातो. मग उरते ते फक्त कंठण्याचं आयुष्य. मग जगणं थांबतं आणि उरतं ते आयुष्याच्या वाटेवर रखरखित उन्हातील अनवाणी  चालणं...त्यात मग हृदयाची सतार होत नाही, श्वासांचे कधी पंख होत नाहीत अन् धमन्यांमध्ये पाखरं उडत असल्याचा साक्षात्कार होत नाही. केवळ काही वर्षांच्या आपल्या या आयुष्यात असा रखरखित उन्हाळा टाळायचा असेल तर कधी एखाद्या नाजूक क्षणी खडबडून जागी व्हावं लागते. हृदयावरच्या खपल्या उचकटून त्याच्या खालची लसलसणारी जखम बघावी लागते. जगाने वेडे म्हटले तरी सुसाटपणे आपल्या स्वप्नांच्या मागे धावावं लागते. स्वप्न साध्य होईल की नाही हा विचार गौंण असतो. स्वप्नांच्या हाकेला 'ओ' दिला, हृदयाच्या ओढीला रस्ता दिला अन् मनाच्या अनिवार उर्मीला वाट दिली तर हेच या सार्‍या उठाठेवीचे फलित असते. त्यात खरच एक वेगळा आनंद, समाधान आणि शांतता असते...

Translation:

I believe God has created each and every person for some special purpose or aim in life, which can be called as one’s destiny. But due to compromises and many times for the sake of earning, one has to choose a path different from the one destined. But that’s how life goes on. Yet, we can hear the echo of our destined purpose inside the heart. This echo haunts us in our journey. If you neglect it, it keeps on striking the shores of your heart like a tide. And if we don’t respond it, gradually it fades away. And then life becomes a cumbersome journey, lived for the sake of living. Life is reduced to mere breathing, as if one is walking and walking barefooted in scorching heat. The strings of heart become blunt and loose melody. Breaths lose their wings. Pulse loses its vigour. To avoid such misery in our short life, we have to wake up and shed all our inhibitions at some delicate juncture in life. We have to open our wounds by uncovering the scars. No matter the world calls you crazy, you have to chase your dreams, your destiny. It is immaterial to think if the dream will be achieved or not. Once you respond that echo, once you make way for your passion and fire, you will start living your life fully and truly. This pleasure of living is no small achievement. After all it has a genuine feel of happiness, satisfaction and peace.

चारोळ्या

These are some short poems written by a very good friend of mine, who is happy to remain in background  as an "Anonymous Friend", without revealing identity. For those who don't understand Marathi, I have tried to translate these lines. Hope you enjoy them... :-)

तुझं मजजवळ असणं,
वाटे जसं क्षणभंगूर स्वप्न,
जणू हे क्षण इथेच थांबावे,
नि, हे स्वप्न मज नित्य दिसावे...

Translation:

That enchanting time, when I am with you,
Like an evanescent dream, those moments are few.
I wish to freeze them, with me somewhere here,
And I dream to have this dream forever, forever...

वाटतं बघून पावसाला
स्वतःला आणि मनाला ओलं होताना पावसात या पावसाला,
ओढ नि अगतिकता भेटण्याची त्याच्या धरित्रिला,
तिचंही सौभाग्य त्यानं ओघळत ओघळतच तिला गोंजारताना,
तिनंही मग फुलून जावं त्याच्यावरील ओढ नि प्रेम दर्शविताना...

Translation:
When the rain is drenching me and my heart,
When the rain is leaving the raindrops wet,
When the rain is eager to meet his darling earth,
When the raindrops caress the earth tenderly,
I can feel the bliss of the earth.
And then she smiles back,
Opening out her heart,
Exhibiting her love and ecstasy,
Hiding herself beneath the grass,
With millions of flowers,
Budding, blooming, blossoming....
 

Friends I have tried my best to translate these poems but I am aware than no translation can match the original creation!

Of emotions, reason and logic.

 

 

 

I believe everything happening in this universe has some logic, some reason behind it. To quote the legend, Einstien, God does not throw dice. Nothing in this world is illogical, irrational or without reason.
     But on the other side, can an average human mind afford to find out logic and reason behind each and everything happening? I think he/she can't or rather shouldn't. There are many things in life that should be enjoyed without searching for logic. Everybody loves the sweet and enticing fragrance of the first rains. Poets say this fragrance oozes out of the heat scorched Earth to attract her darling clouds and the clouds respond by sending out their message in form of raindrops. This imagery is poetic, pleasant and imaginative but not rational. Art is not truth. It is merely a lie which helps us realize truth.
     And the truth is very different. Very few people know that the fragrance is because of the microbes called Actinomycetes. Now that is rational, logical but very much dry and heartless explanation which very few will like. So, enjoy the poetry about the earth-cloud-raindrops-sky rather than getting involved in the science behind it.

     I reckon one has to manage a balance between being rational and being emotional in every aspect of life. This is the only way to enjoy life without losing much. Now it depends upon an individual how much weightage he/she bestows to logic and emotions.
     So, the bottomline is: Don't always try to seek for logic and reason in everything. Learn to enjoy some things illogically and emotionally, but without forgetting that some logic exists behind it. And honestly speaking, duniya me kuchh cheeze illogical hi achchhi lagati hai... :-)

Felix and Malala: Where are we moving???

The first week of October will be remembered largely for two persons. I just ran into a tweet about them:

                Dear Religion, This week I safely dropped a man from space while you shot a child in the head for wanting to go to school.

                           (Tweet by Ricky Gervais, British comedian).

                Its about Felix Baumgartner’s stratos jump and the cowardly attack on Malala Yousafzai. Felix ‘s jump showed us how high humanity can reach and Malala’s attackers proved to what extent humanity can stoop down to reach abyss.

                Felix, the real daredevil,  deserves accolades.  He exemplifies the human efforts to overcome fear, challenges and perform something extraordinary. His supersonic jump also signifies the quantum leap in science and technology. I’m impressed…

                But I’m far more impressed by this girl Malala. I really want to salute her. That girl at the tender age of 14 had the courage to stand up for a cause knowing that her life had threat. She has put forward a strong message: Of ‘Fem’-powerment, of courage, of the desperation and suffocations in backward societies, of the value of education. Don’t you think she deserves Nobel Peace Prize more than Mr. Obama or European Union???

 

 

 

The Era of Honest Movies

 

A tired mind seeks solace in three things: Company of good people, good old memories and some honest entertainment. While the first two things can be taken care of, the third one is often hard to find in today’s world.

                I find myself lucky to find two honest movies when I was in dire need for some meaningful entertainment. Oh My God and English Vinglish, both are movies which come straight from the heart and reach straight into the heart…

                Superficially, both are pretty different movies. OMG is about commercialization of religion while EV talks about the dignity of a typical housewife who is happy to ignore and be ignored by others. But some striking similarities must be mentioned. Firstly, both are about middle age, middle class people who truly represent India. It’s enough of youth centered, elitist, and sugar coated movies in Hindi. India wants realism in movies now.

 

 

                Both movies talk of a fight which can be seen as a representative struggle against the traditional mindset. The protagonists are no superman or superwoman. They are average individuals ignited with an intense desire. This fact makes Kanji bhai and Shashi truly inspirational. Besides, both movies feature the dilemma between family life and individual values, a typical characteristic of a common Indian.

                Surprisingly, both are directed by debutant directors and don’t have a great starcast as such. But it’s the presence of capable actors and honesty which makes them work. And the dialogues were phenomenal. For instance- “Tum logo se unka dharm chhinoge to wo tumhe apna dharm bana lenge” or “Jab koi apne aap ko pasand karne lagta hai to khudse judi sari cheese achchhi lagane lagati hai”.

                I think Indian cinema has two streams- one being the mindless, sugarcoated, feel good movies targeting 100 Cr and other being the low budget but true cinema viz. Chittagong, A Wednesday. Its upto the audience to select what they want. Because the quality of art or cinema in a society reflects the quality of the society.