This is not merely a piece of write-up. Its the angst whole nation is expressing after the Delhi bus incident. My friend Mrunal Jadhav has given a way to this angst through words. Her views about the patriarchal fabric of society, abuse that women face and the psychology of women related crimes are worth consideration.
The unfortunate news of physical rape involving heinous actual penetration is making news but my question is what about daily psychological rape females are subjected to every now and then??? I feel, basically its not always about rape. It ranges from periodic episodes of eve teasing, dirty comments, domestic violence, physical and verbal abuse, doubts about capabilities, psychological trauma , emotional blackmailing in varied strata of our social hierarchy, right from slums, mediocre families to so called educated , highly profile families living in corridors of power. As it is aptly said;" Prevention is better than cure" so taking self defensive alert steps is utmost necessary for girls to protect themselves in any kind of unfortunate emergencies. It is really shouldn't be misinterpreted by girls as attempts of compromising their liberty. Many times what happens teenagers or college going young girls are still not able to judge people around them or to differentiate very basic difference between good touch and bad touch. These girl stay under false impression that whole world is as innocent as them .But in reality when it comes to any society, there is mixture of positive and negative attributes. we cant generalize any goodness or wickedness. Neither we can stay gender biased.Not all men are bad, personally I too have many of my male friends with whom I can interact very frankly. Still considering increasing monstrous and violent tendencies , prevention is always good for females from their side. This is one side but is this the only solution???? Certainly not.
This problem lies much deeply embedded in our very patriarchal nature of society and tendency of objectification of female sex, aggravated by superficial mass media.Yes yes we talk of Government, law and order , amendments, woman commissions , equality and that well rubbed and favourite word- Empowerment!!! come on people, come back to the basics. All these laws will protect but they are much farther and much like post mortem solutions so lets first introspect ourselves at basic unit of society - our families. I will put down two very ordinary incidences. Last summer I was coming back to Pune from Mumbai by Shivneri, I came across one well dressed lady around 50' s right beside me. She was having fractured hand and some of scars on face, neck so I helped to accommodate her luggage at her place. Initially I thought injuries may be because of any accident so I kept mum. She asked me about my profession. I replied , " I am a Dentist and now a days preparing for civil services". she just smiled and asked why I have chosen choosing civil services. I answered all obvious reasons behind this most expected question. To my surprise she happened to be wife of very high ranked class 1 police officer . so my sudden question to her was," Mam, it must be so good and proud feeling for you being wife of officer contributing to society by battling with criminals??" She laughed more loudly this time and replied, " Yes indeed.very proud.( quoting her own words)- Jya belt ne baher hantat tyach belt ne mala pan roj hantat.senior bhadkala..don fatke..junior aikat nahi..don fatke..political pressure..de malach latha..yes he is nice officer talking of big things for other people..pan mazya sathi tar haivan ch aahe..vardi cha maj maj mhantat to mala vichara.." (The same belt he brandishes outside is used for beating me. For any stress on duty, he comes home and whips me. He might be a nice officer outside but for me, he is a demon!). I was shocked; absolutely speechless..:-(:-(. Till today I don't realise why she shared her family issue so easily with stranger like me.we both were females. was that a connecting link? or sometimes opening up ur emotions to strangers are safe and easy? That may be the reason. while stepping down she advised me, "Marry with a person who can respect you rather than marrying just high profile person".
When I read renowned book ' Br' by Kavita Mahajan, there were incidences where Adivasi , pada ; illiterate women hit back to husband when they are beaten up. This kind of retaliation seems still not possible in our white collared society.In marathi ; I remember one quote- " Sansar sansar mhanje kaay asto, ekane udhlala tari dusaryane sawaraycha asto." (What is marriage all about? If one partner disturbs it, other one should restabilise it.) I felt this good initially but as I grew up I realized harsh reality that most of the times- " udhalalela...pasaralela...viskatlela sansar gharaylya stri nech savaraycha asto.":-( (Only women are expeted to restabilise a marriage in turmoil.) Other common dialogue in many families- Daughter: Dad, I want to buy this this ..that that... Dad: as u like beta...whom else I am earning for? Daughter: Oh Daddy...I want this stream..and want to go abroad for specialisation. Dad: sure my girl. take education Wat u wish.we Will be always there to motivate you for your career.Have we ever discriminated between you and your brother? Daughter: Daddy...I want to marry this guy of my choice but he is not of our caste and has time to get well set...but he is trying hard... Dad: Actually beta we have always dreamt best for you. You don't have that much maturity to take such decision.we are there to take best care of that baby.so forget that at earliest. Daughter: but Dad...I think I will be very happy with him.money may be less or caste may be different but trust me we will make a good couple...Its fine na dad? After all its my life na.... Daddy: So you will be okay when all people will condemn your dad. Our family prestige will be in danger.will it be fine when me and your mom will be in pain just because of you? Tell me, for this is what we brought you up ???????????????????????"
Personally I feel be it you mother or wife or daughter or sister or female coworker, don't always try to over protect them considering them symbol of dignity of your family or vulnerable species.Rather all they need is motivation, trust, respect and consideration and freedom in decision making. Let them cherish their own mettle and confidence. I am not gender biased person to totally blame males. on the other front, I strongly protest girls or women who unnecessarily projects their God gifted beauties to take undue advantage. There are many ex of putting forward of female coworker by many businessmen to get the deal or putting forward girls by their friends in queue to get early tickets or seat, just by using female charm.Mind It girls, until you yourself respect your feminism none else is going to respect that. Sternly oppose for such gender based favours, sympathy and displaying yourself as showpiece in showcase of your male counterparts.It is the mother more who inculcate family values in her next generation so try to become physically, emotionally, financially independent first. Above all women of substance are always more adorable than mere natural beauties!! Problem is horrible....Its deep and at various fronts...but definitely solution lies within us!! What is needed is thinking and changing for becoming good human being and treating other as human beings first....!!!
Readers can convey their views to the writer:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001046574732&fref=pb
The unfortunate news of physical rape involving heinous actual penetration is making news but my question is what about daily psychological rape females are subjected to every now and then??? I feel, basically its not always about rape. It ranges from periodic episodes of eve teasing, dirty comments, domestic violence, physical and verbal abuse, doubts about capabilities, psychological trauma , emotional blackmailing in varied strata of our social hierarchy, right from slums, mediocre families to so called educated , highly profile families living in corridors of power. As it is aptly said;" Prevention is better than cure" so taking self defensive alert steps is utmost necessary for girls to protect themselves in any kind of unfortunate emergencies. It is really shouldn't be misinterpreted by girls as attempts of compromising their liberty. Many times what happens teenagers or college going young girls are still not able to judge people around them or to differentiate very basic difference between good touch and bad touch. These girl stay under false impression that whole world is as innocent as them .But in reality when it comes to any society, there is mixture of positive and negative attributes. we cant generalize any goodness or wickedness. Neither we can stay gender biased.Not all men are bad, personally I too have many of my male friends with whom I can interact very frankly. Still considering increasing monstrous and violent tendencies , prevention is always good for females from their side. This is one side but is this the only solution???? Certainly not.
This problem lies much deeply embedded in our very patriarchal nature of society and tendency of objectification of female sex, aggravated by superficial mass media.Yes yes we talk of Government, law and order , amendments, woman commissions , equality and that well rubbed and favourite word- Empowerment!!! come on people, come back to the basics. All these laws will protect but they are much farther and much like post mortem solutions so lets first introspect ourselves at basic unit of society - our families. I will put down two very ordinary incidences. Last summer I was coming back to Pune from Mumbai by Shivneri, I came across one well dressed lady around 50' s right beside me. She was having fractured hand and some of scars on face, neck so I helped to accommodate her luggage at her place. Initially I thought injuries may be because of any accident so I kept mum. She asked me about my profession. I replied , " I am a Dentist and now a days preparing for civil services". she just smiled and asked why I have chosen choosing civil services. I answered all obvious reasons behind this most expected question. To my surprise she happened to be wife of very high ranked class 1 police officer . so my sudden question to her was," Mam, it must be so good and proud feeling for you being wife of officer contributing to society by battling with criminals??" She laughed more loudly this time and replied, " Yes indeed.very proud.( quoting her own words)- Jya belt ne baher hantat tyach belt ne mala pan roj hantat.senior bhadkala..don fatke..junior aikat nahi..don fatke..political pressure..de malach latha..yes he is nice officer talking of big things for other people..pan mazya sathi tar haivan ch aahe..vardi cha maj maj mhantat to mala vichara.." (The same belt he brandishes outside is used for beating me. For any stress on duty, he comes home and whips me. He might be a nice officer outside but for me, he is a demon!). I was shocked; absolutely speechless..:-(:-(. Till today I don't realise why she shared her family issue so easily with stranger like me.we both were females. was that a connecting link? or sometimes opening up ur emotions to strangers are safe and easy? That may be the reason. while stepping down she advised me, "Marry with a person who can respect you rather than marrying just high profile person".
When I read renowned book ' Br' by Kavita Mahajan, there were incidences where Adivasi , pada ; illiterate women hit back to husband when they are beaten up. This kind of retaliation seems still not possible in our white collared society.In marathi ; I remember one quote- " Sansar sansar mhanje kaay asto, ekane udhlala tari dusaryane sawaraycha asto." (What is marriage all about? If one partner disturbs it, other one should restabilise it.) I felt this good initially but as I grew up I realized harsh reality that most of the times- " udhalalela...pasaralela...viskatlela sansar gharaylya stri nech savaraycha asto.":-( (Only women are expeted to restabilise a marriage in turmoil.) Other common dialogue in many families- Daughter: Dad, I want to buy this this ..that that... Dad: as u like beta...whom else I am earning for? Daughter: Oh Daddy...I want this stream..and want to go abroad for specialisation. Dad: sure my girl. take education Wat u wish.we Will be always there to motivate you for your career.Have we ever discriminated between you and your brother? Daughter: Daddy...I want to marry this guy of my choice but he is not of our caste and has time to get well set...but he is trying hard... Dad: Actually beta we have always dreamt best for you. You don't have that much maturity to take such decision.we are there to take best care of that baby.so forget that at earliest. Daughter: but Dad...I think I will be very happy with him.money may be less or caste may be different but trust me we will make a good couple...Its fine na dad? After all its my life na.... Daddy: So you will be okay when all people will condemn your dad. Our family prestige will be in danger.will it be fine when me and your mom will be in pain just because of you? Tell me, for this is what we brought you up ???????????????????????"
Personally I feel be it you mother or wife or daughter or sister or female coworker, don't always try to over protect them considering them symbol of dignity of your family or vulnerable species.Rather all they need is motivation, trust, respect and consideration and freedom in decision making. Let them cherish their own mettle and confidence. I am not gender biased person to totally blame males. on the other front, I strongly protest girls or women who unnecessarily projects their God gifted beauties to take undue advantage. There are many ex of putting forward of female coworker by many businessmen to get the deal or putting forward girls by their friends in queue to get early tickets or seat, just by using female charm.Mind It girls, until you yourself respect your feminism none else is going to respect that. Sternly oppose for such gender based favours, sympathy and displaying yourself as showpiece in showcase of your male counterparts.It is the mother more who inculcate family values in her next generation so try to become physically, emotionally, financially independent first. Above all women of substance are always more adorable than mere natural beauties!! Problem is horrible....Its deep and at various fronts...but definitely solution lies within us!! What is needed is thinking and changing for becoming good human being and treating other as human beings first....!!!
Readers can convey their views to the writer:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001046574732&fref=pb
